Social Worker, Therapist, Roller Skating Queen, New York City, USA

Surviving pandemic in 2020 has brought our imagination and resourcefulness out in full force. Stories of folks practicing yoga and martial arts on their rooftops, rushing out to purchase bicycles and hula-hoops and even adopting dogs in droves have all been reported widely. Any and all outdoor activities were embraced, even old school roller-skating made a comeback. One cannot explain the joy of gliding in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park on a warm fall evening; music blasting and costumed (and masked) New Yorkers circling around a DJ, cool wind reiterating an impending winter.

One such evening skate at the Dreamland Roller rink in Brooklyn was themed Studio 54. Just when I didn’t think the evening could get any better, it was further fortified by a marvelously dressed, joyous skater in front of me. She was skating in a pair of knitted hot pants, her skates were glowing and her smile radiated through her mask. The outdoor rink transformed into a (limited person) party scene and was later immortalized in a Vogue article. I continued to be transfixed by this woman’s joie de vivre and wanted to know her story. The rest, as they say, was history. We met in Manhattan’s Tompkins Square, in a skating park, a very fitting venue. I highly recommend following Ms. Roames on Instagram to truly get a sense of her dedication to her second love, roller-skating, as well as cheer her on in her primary life’s mission: social work. What a legend!

1. Name

Krystal Roames.

2. Where is your hometown?

Brooklyn, New York

3. What is your profession/career/title/self-label/designation? What does your average day look like?

I am a social worker and therapist. I’m also director of a residence for people with an abundance of resiliency and strength who have histories of homelessness, mental illness, and substance use.

There is no real average day for me. Every day is different whether I’m working from home or working with clients face to face. This was the case even before the pandemic. You never know what your day is truly going to look like because people have different needs all of the time. I prioritize my day based off of my client’s and staff’s needs so I can be doing anything from paperwork, calling 911 for someone having a medical or mental health emergency, talking with a client about an issue they may having, doing a therapy session, participating in a Zoom training, showing a staff member how to complete a task, or making plans for a residence event with COVID group restrictions in mind. I like that my work isn’t predictable.

Would love to hear more about what got you into this line of work, what it's like to work with, learn from and see positive changes in the vulnerable populations and what keeps you sane and motivated to keep going. Of course, sometimes you may not see positive changes - what are your coping mechanisms to not give up and keep at it?

I didn’t really know what social work was when I chose it as a major. I knew that I would be helping people and that I would learn about mental illness. Mental illness was such a mystery growing up. “You know how they are”, was the explanation within families, for family members dealing with mental illness, but it wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to know more. Why do we ignore mental illness when it is so prevalent? What can people do to address mental health struggles?

Social work can be a difficult field to work in. Many of the clients I work with have dealt with trauma, huge life disappointments, depression, anxiety, grief, substance abuse, and more. It can be a challenge to hold space for all of that. I used to be better at compartmentalizing and leaving my work at work, but now that I spend two days a week working from home that’s been a lot more difficult. 

Roller skating has been a huge coping mechanism for me. Even after the worst day at work, gliding along by myself in the garage with my favorite songs blasting lifts my mood every time.

My favorite place is definitely a library or bookstore. There’s something about that book smell that I just love.

4. What did you study in school?

I studied Social Work during undergrad at Temple University and then earned my graduate degree at Hunter College, also for Social Work.

5. What was the journey like to get where you are (in life and career-wise)? Write about some of the achievements that you are most proud of. What was the breakthrough moment for you (in your personal life and/or career?) that set you on the current path in life?

Getting my graduate degree is one of the achievements I’m most proud of. I knew from a young age that I would finish high school and go to college because that was the expectation in my family, but once I met those goals, I didn’t want to go back to school. After seeing how difficult it is to move ahead in the social work field without a higher level of education, I knew I had to go, but I didn’t know how I could make that happen with my salary at the time while working a full-time job. I was fortunate enough to win a scholarship through my employers at the time that paid for my graduate education fully. I continued to work at my full-time position while also interning there and went to school in the evenings. It was a full plate, but my employers, my family, and my husband were so supportive. Two years later, as I sat at my graduation and swept my tassel to the side, symbolizing my achievement, I couldn’t help, but cry. I was and still am so proud of myself for getting through that time.

6. How is your life different from what you pictured at 20?

I thought I would have children by now. I put children off so that I could reach my educational & career goals and meet someone I wanted to share my life with. Now that I’ve reached most of those goals, I’m scared about the huge change a child is guaranteed to bring to our lives. Change feels more scary at 35-years-old than it was at 20. Add a global pandemic and the era of remote learning to the mix and I feel uncertain.

I see how parents are struggling to hold it together and adjust. I know I want to be a mom, but I’m worried I won’t be able to handle it all. I currently work two jobs, live in New Jersey, and work in Brooklyn. How does a child fit in there? It’s not impossible, there are many people with the same or a similar story and they manage it. I don’t want to live my life led by fear, but I am scared. At the same time, I know a lot of amazing moms who are adjusting to the huge change in their lives and making it work.

I think 20-year-old me would be proud of who I am today. I’m more vocal about my thoughts and feelings with people I trust and I’m finding the comfort with myself that I wanted at 20.

7. Was there a time when life knocked you down or out and how did you get back up on your feet?

I haven’t had any major traumas or setbacks in my life so far. I recognize that is a huge privilege and adds some naivete to my experience. I haven’t had many hardships, so it’s easy for me to be encouraged and keep working towards my goals with the hope that I’ll succeed. That’s a lot more difficult for someone who has seen more disappointment or has been constantly knocked down in their life experiences.

8. Advice for other women?

Get to know yourself. Who am I? What do I like? What don’t I like? Who and/or what makes me uncomfortable and why? What and/or who makes me feel happy? These questions are important in developing a relationship with yourself. It really is the most important relationship a person will ever have.

9. Knowing what we know now in a current political climate, can women be "all that we can be" in today's world? What is the way forward, as you see it, for "feminist values"?

I think it’s very difficult to be “all that we can be” in a society that does not value women, especially Black women. We are amazing and resilient as is. Imagine how we could change the world without the restrictions that come with the intersectionality of being Black and being a woman.

The acquittal of the police who murdered Breonna Taylor signaled to me that Black women, in particular, are seen as disposable. You can be a family oriented front-line worker and the state can murder you and explain it away without apology or recourse. Erased as if your life and your dreams don’t matter.

I don’t see how women in general can be all that we can be while living in a patriarchal society, the same way that Black people cannot be all that we can be in a societal structure that’s based on capitalism, racism, and exclusion. I don’t know how to fix the problem, but I think a start is diversifying leadership positions with women of color at all levels.

11. What extra-curricular activities/hobbies are you most proud of? Why?

I’ve only been skating consistently for the past three months, but it’s definitely a hobby that I’m really proud of and have so much fun with. Skating has given me so much confidence in my abilities and myself. It’s forced me to move my body, explore new places, and meet new people. When I look at how comfortable I feel and look on skates now, compared to the day I started, I’m pleasantly surprised at myself.

When I was little I wanted to be an ice skater like my faves Kristi Yamaguchi, Surya Bonaly, and Oksana Baiul. That wasn’t really a realistic goal for a lower middle-class Black kid in East Flatbush Brooklyn, but my family bought me rollerblades and my favorite childhood pastime was zipping around my block in them.

Eventually, I put off skating as childish and joined the adult world until TikTok & Instagram skating inspirations like Oumi Janta, Ana Coto, and Coco Franklin reminded me that joy and fun don’t have to be reserved for childhood. I didn’t become the ice skater I imagined, but I feel like I’m living my skating dreams in a different form. I have two photographs in Vogue Magazine because of rollerskating. Never in my America’s Top Model dreams did I ever think I’d be able to say that, but here we are. You never know where your dreams will take you.

12. What do you want to be when you grow up? Future goals/challenges?

I want to be free of student loan debt (aka modern indentured servitude), working as a therapist in my own private practice, and living comfortably with my family. It seems like such a simple thing, but it’s been and still is a real challenge getting there.

14. Anything you'd do differently, if you had another go at life?

No. I’m happy with the life I have and I know that I’m fortunate. All of my decisions and choices have brought me to where I am today. I get to walk through life with the love of my life by my side and I have friends and family who support me & cheer me on. I wouldn’t change anything.

15. What inspires you?

People who are fully comfortable in their own skin with no apology. I want that kind of confidence and sureness in myself.

16. What are you hopeful about?

I’m hopeful about what’s ahead. We’re living in a very uncertain time. 2020 has been very unpredictable. I don’t know what to expect two weeks from now, much less tomorrow, but I believe in humanity and I think we will get it right eventually. I’m hopeful that Black people won’t need to continually insist that we matter, just to be heard. I’m hopeful that police officers who hurt and/or kill those they are supposed to serve, are punished accordingly. I’m hopeful that Black women will be shown the love, support, empathy, and rest we deserve.

17. What are some ingredients to a good life?

Love, Empathy, Honesty, and Laughter

18. What are (at least) three qualities you most love about yourself and why? What are your superpowers?

I love my optimism. I try my best to trust in the Universe and trust that things will work out. I also love that whatever I exude, allows people trust me with their stories. There are so many things that people go through and experience. I’m lucky to have a window into that. Not only do I get to meet really great people in my work, but working so closely with others and supporting them through their challenges and achievements helps me look inward at myself and things that I want to work on. I learn through the people I work with. Another quality I love about myself is my calm in emergencies. Often, it’s just a front and I’m scared too, but I take a deep breath and push through. It’s helped me in some scary situations.

20. What are you reading now? (what books do you gift most and what are your favourite reads?)

I’m reading In the Dark with the Duke by Christi Caldwell. Historical romance novels are my guilty pleasure. I used to be more embarrassed about it, but if reading about dashing dukes who romance wallflowers out of their shells makes me a weirdo, in the words of Redman, “I’ll bee dat”. 

21. Who is a WOW WOMAN in your world who inspires you and why? Can you nominate three (or more) women you know who perfectly fit WOW WOMAN description? What would you tell them, if you had an opportunity, why you admire them?

22. What would you do (with your time or actions) if you knew that nobody would judge you?

If nobody would judge me, I would rest a lot more. I love to sleep and take naps. There’s so much pressure to go-go-go and do-dodo, even now, in the midst of a literal global crisis. The world feels sort of at a weird standstill, but there’s still pressure to do all of the things and keep things normal when things aren’t normal. Millions of people are out of work, I see a lot more visibly homeless people, businesses are going under, people are becoming increasingly isolated, depressed, anxious, and we’re just going about our daily lives like nothing is happening. It feels bizarre and I want rest to deal with it.

23. Where can others find you/your work (links to websites, blogs, etc.)?

Therapy for Black Girls therapist profile. Therapy for Black Girls is an online space dedicated to encouraging the mental wellness of Black women and girls.

Psychology Today therapist profile.

Instagram - @shenanswithkrys