Surrogate, Human Resources Trainer, Mom, Los Angeles, USA

How to describe someone who helps another family grow? How to wrap one’s mind around the idea of carrying a child for someone else? What is it like to be a surrogate? What are the most common feelings and misconceptions about surrogacy? These were questions burning in my mind as I spoke with Ms. Natalie Colacurcio.

In these photos, Ms. Colacurcio is pregnant with a baby who is destined for another couple. Her daughter Maya knows this, and everyone in Natalie’s world, including her employer, knows this. The idea of growing a life inside you that will be handed to another person seems like a foreign concept to many, but just like things we don’t understand from non-exposure, it’s not a foreign concept to the “Surrogate-Intended Parents” unit, because unit is what it’s become over the many months of getting to know one another. By the time the surrogate is pregnant with the baby, there have been birthdays celebrated, tears shed, video calls and coffee dates attended. By the time pregnancy happens, the unit that is Surrogate-Intended Parents is a tight knit one. Such is a beautiful human bond, created from the exchange of love and care between people. Trust, which is the paramount ingredient in this bond, is ever-present; as are humour and laughter. Awkwardness dissipates as the unit members discuss details vital to the baby’s creation; these are humans who have not known each other for very long, but pour their trust into one another with moving intensity. Only the most empathetic may understand the closeness of such unit. In a way, the unit revels in its inclusivity, in the “in-group” feeling, because as time passes, timidity wanes and is replaced by a feeling of sisterhood. Never did a group of once-strangers want one another to succeed more than this group. Welcome to surrogacy; this is the journey the Intended Parent(s) and the Surrogate sign up for and the baby is lucky to come out of such love and care.

The surrogacy road is not for everyone; some people may never be able to wrap their brain around the complexity of such union, something so fragile and pragmatic as the bond between the surrogate and the intended family. They can’t imagine the work that must go into creating and sustaining this bond. Nonetheless, humans are capable of amazing things - surrogacy relationships are forged every day and have been since the first surrogacy birth in United States in 1985. Like many beginnings and new ideas (remember controversies surrounding assisted reproductive technologies like egg-freezing and IVF when they first came onto the scene?), much needed to be ironed out with surrogacy laws and regulations. However, sound science and human nature always win out at the end, and now, with the help of amazing scientific advances and testing, over 750 babies are born each year in the United States alone, with the help of surrogates.

The woman I interviewed spoke candidly about her surrogacy experience, her life journey, goals and ambitions. My next WOW Woman is the incredible Ms. Natalie Colacurcio.

- Olga Shmaidenko, Founder of WOW Woman.

5. What was the journey like to get where you are (in life and career-wise)? 

As a proud Aquarius, I've always had a little voice inside my head that would speak up whenever there was a challenge in front of me: "why not go for it?". I enjoy connecting people which landed me in Human Resources and then I fell in love with training.

As for surrogacy, that was another “why not?” moment, that resulted from having a casual conversation with an acquaintance. Afterwards, I thought, why not help create or complete someone’s family? My fraternal grandma had 18 kids and I always joke that my body was made for that. I have my one and only child, Maya. I feel content; in the fact, it's just her and I on this life journey.

6. How is your life different from what you pictured at 20?

Life was much much different when I was 20, compared to current early thirties. There are things that I have been able to accomplish, in career and related to personal growth, that I could have never imagined at 20. What I am most excited about, when I look back at my life in ten years, is the idea that I’ll hopefully be in a place that right now seems utterly impossible.

7. Was there a time when life knocked you down or out and how did you get back up on your feet?

I think it was when I ventured out on my own, when Maya was just three years old. I only had enough to rent out a room in a house. I learned to be frugal and resourceful with what we had. When I first applied to be a surrogate several years back, I did an in-person interview in that room. The agency’s founder has since seen me grow from that room into a studio and now into my own apartment.

Next goal, get a house with a backyard so Maya can finally get her dog.

8. Advice for other women?

Surround yourself with people who inspire you. I have been very lucky to have very supportive family and close friends. When we moved out and were struggling, Maya's godmother would help us buy groceries and Maya’s clothes. My mom and my sister Veronica have always been there for us, through thick and thin.

At the end of the day, I think that it's important to surround yourself with strong women you can look up to.

9. Can women be "all that we can be" in today's world? What is the way forward, as you see it, for "feminist values"?

I've always believed in doing whatever makes one happy; I know women who chose to be the best stay-at-home parents while others who preferred to focus on their career. My own sister Veronica is a power woman; she has always been her own boss and when needed, a stay-at-home mom. Both jobs are very important, strenuous and demanding, so whichever makes you happy then that's the right choice for you.

10. Where in the world do you feel “tallest” (i.e. where is your happy place)?

Oahu, Hawaii! The serenity of the ocean and the “I’m home” feeling are hard to explain. Another place where I feel at-peace is in Nayarit, Mexico, where I grew up. It’s a beach town and although I love going back and seeing old friends and family, it still doesn't compare to the feeling I get when I’m in Hawaii.

11. What extracurricular activities/hobbies are you most proud of? Why?

‘Extreme babysitting’ aka Surrogacy! It has been a long journey to get here but here I am, so close to bringing a child into this world, to amazing parents, who wanted her so badly that they trusted a complete stranger to carry her. This whole experience has been very fulfilling. Together, We made a deep life-long connection and I'm happy and proud to be a part of their family’s history.

Surrogacy - the ins and outs, answers from the greatest gift-giver

12. Have you travelled solo? If so, which were some of the most memorable destinations and why? Why do you travel and would you recommend it to women?

Yes, I travelled solo to Sayulita, Nayarit, Mexico after a break up, and it was awesome! I went to the place my ex and I always talked about going together'; it felt like closure to be there solo. One night, as I was having dinner by myself, two older ladies invited me over for dessert. They were so proud of me for just saying "fuck it" and still going on a trip. They said they wished they had done more solo travelling when they were younger; I really took that to heart. That's how my first Hawaii trip came to be - I received a flight promotion email and just booked. Then, I started to freak out a bit because there was no hotel, no plans, no idea of what the weather was going to be, nor have I requested the time off work. But it felt exhilarating, and I just knew that I needed to go. Although I felt scared, I was more excited, and did it anyway!

13. What do you want to be when you grow up? Future goals/challenges?

I definitely want to continue on the HR Training career trajectory. It's a passion of mine to conduct instructor-led classes; I'm fascinated with how adults learn, which is much different from how children learn in grade school. It may sound very involved, but I really can talk for hours about preventing workplace harassment and discussing making improvements to peer-to-peer training.

14. What fears are you still hoping to overcome?

I would love to move to another country or state. I used to stay up, dreaming up ways to move to Paris or Hawaii, but haven’t yet for the fear of uprooting my daughter from her school.

15. Anything you'd do differently, if you had another go at life?

No, I believe that all my choices have led me here, exactly where I am meant to be in this very moment.

16. What/who inspires you?

The wise and inspiring Dr. Maya Angelou. She has a spoken poem that really stuck with me:

"If God put the rainbows right in the clouds themselves, each one of us in the direst and dullest and most dreaded and dreary moments can see a possibility of hope. Each one of us has the chance to be a rainbow in somebody's cloud.” - Maya Angelou

17. What are you hopeful about?

That I can inspire and encourage my daughter Maya to go after what she wants and even if she is scared, to do it anyway.

18. What are some ingredients to a good life? How did the global pandemic change your perspective about the world, about your life, your goals and dreams?

Family. I have a built-in best friend in my daughter and through the pandemic and being women in the current political climate, it's important to teach her about the world. I also want to continuously try to see the world through her eyes as well.

19. What are (at least) three qualities you most love about yourself and why? What are your superpowers?

I am passionate and creative. I love connecting with others; this superpower has helped me in my career in HR but also enabled me to foster meaningful interpersonal relationships.

20. What advice would you give your 14-year-old self? What advice would your 14-year-old self give you in return?

Stop messing with your hair. Other than that, nothing much else I would tell her, as I am a huge believer that each life experience that girl had since 14 has led her/me here for a reason (including the tough lessons that had to be learned the hard way).

21. What are you reading now? (What books do you gift most and what are your favourite reads?)

Recently I started reading "Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies" by Tara Schuster. Together with my daughter I’m reading “Emily Windsnap: Six Swishy Tails of Land and Sea” by Liz Kessler; we take turns reading chapters to each other.

22. Who is a WOW WOMAN in your world who inspires you and why? Can you nominate three (or more) women you know who perfectly fit WOW WOMAN description? What would you tell them, if you had an opportunity, about why you admire them?

My sister Veronica who has been a second mom to me. When I moved from Mexico to the United States at 12 years old, she would show my nephew and me many different places. We had a standing date night that involved Thai Food and a movie, trips to Barnes and Nobles and many family trips to Yosemite. She gave me an opportunity to work with her in a paralegal office which launched my administrative career. Veronica is a mom of four, doing it all and I'm very proud to call her my sister. 

23. Where can others find you/your work (links to websites, blogs, etc.)?

Instagram: @Orion2026

Bonus Quick Round Qs:

1. What and who is worth suffering for? My daughter. I want to empower her to go after what she wants and not be afraid to put some elbow grease into it.

2. What would you do if you knew that nobody would judge you? Throughout my life I’ve always danced to the beat of my own drum, never caring about what others thought.

3. If you didn't have to work anymore what would you do with your days? I got a little peak into what that would look like in the past four months and I loved leaning into the stay-at-home vibes. I wrote and placed cute little cards into Maya's lunch boxes and curated our apartment to be our happy place.

4. If you could be anyone for a day who would you be? My daughter Maya; she is so smart and has so much confidence already. I would love to see the world through her eyes.

5. If you could relive one year in your life, which one would it be? I think the year I turned 23; it brought me many life lessons. I was working 16-hour days at a place where I wasn't really appreciated; there I learned a big career lesson about burning out. That was also the year I got pregnant with my daughter and my life changed forever, for the better.

“Above you can see our first studio apartment and how we decorated it. We are celebrating our first Christmas in our apartment; we have NOTHING but our Christmas tree, not even a bed. We slept on an air mattress for a few days until I got us a futon to sleep on and have a couch during the day. In one of the photos you can see Maya’s virtual kinder garden set up, due to COVID”

6. What bothers you most about people? What do you love most about people? Emotionally unintelligent people, because the rest of us constantly have to adjust our expectations when dealing with them. I love empathetic people, because in order to understand yourself and the world around you, you must be able to put yourself in someone else's shoes.