VICE PRESIDENT MARKETING, MOTHER, FAMILY COORDINATOR, TORONTO, CANADA
We all have friends whose posts temporary halt our endless social media scrolling and offer a guaranteed hit of dopamine. Ms. Julie Lacey’s joyful family photos have that effect on me. Julie is a brilliant exec with an unwaveringly positive attitude toward life’s chaos, beauty and absurdity. Her secret weapon, and I imagine a true necessity in an all-boys household, is a healthy sense of humour. Not to mention that disarming laugh!
Despite our very infrequent meet-ups, I remain in awe of Julie’s personal and professional achievements. To add to the character sketch, here are a few words from a woman who knows the pre-kids, pre-Mrs. Lacey and pre-career Julie:
“Julie Wingate is the type of person you don't ever forget. She is the one with the contagious laugh, the infectious smile, the vibrancy that draws you near and keeps you close. People like Julie are not like everyone else.
I had the pleasure of meeting Jules in our first year of university at McGill. Her room was across the hall from mine in residence, and we became friends instantly. Even back then, Julie was someone who brought people together. She got involved in her faculty's social committee right off the bat, and would always be the one floating around parties, making sure everyone's drink was topped up (or challenging them to a chug-off, which regardless of the opponent she would win without fail).
It was a natural evolution for Julie to go into Marketing, her personality one that makes people want to listen to what she has to say, to buy whatever she is selling - whether a product, a pitch or a hilarious anecdote.
A doting mama of three energetic boys, a devoted wife, a loving daughter and sister, a successful career woman and compassionate friend. Julie's life is capital B busy; yet she leads with intention, and finds a way to make everyone she loves feel valued. Her effervescence, her seemingly endless energy, her humour (god, she makes me cackle), her commitment to being the bringer-of-fun, her ability to engage an audience, and oh, that laugh. All of it: unparalleled. A real Woman of Wonder.
It has been a true joy and honour to have the last two and a half decades of my life so intertwined with Julie's. From the lengthy list of adventures we have had, to those we continue to share, and the stories we have yet to write. I am so lucky to love and be loved by her.” - Alexandra Abraham, London, UK.
1. Name
Julie (Wingate) Lacey.
2. Where is your hometown?
I was born and raised in Manotick, a small town of 1,200 just outside Ottawa, Canada. I have such fond childhood memories attending the local Dickenson’s Day festivities, working in the local shops and restaurants and playing sports at the neighbourhood fields.
3. What is your profession/career/title/self-label/designation?
I am a Mother.
I am the Family Coordinator.
I am the Vice President of Marketing at oxio.
I am a facilitator of growth for tech start-ups.
What does your average day look like?
I'm a mom of three boys (6, 8 & 10), a wife to my university sweetheart of 15 years (I think I have that number right), and a marketing leader with a healthy career that I love. My days are busy (an understatement of the year!). I start early at 6-6:30am and end late, at 11pm. I never want the day to end; I never want to go to bed - I get this from my mother.
6:30am: I wake up and workout (30-45mins, three times per week, a high intensity cardio workout or a run)
6:30-7:30am: get myself ready (me time)
7:30-8:30am: get kids ready
8:30-9am: drop kids at school (chats, hold hands on route, hugs & kisses at the drop off….one of my favourite times of the day)
9-5:15pm: work, work, work (lots of days without stopping - no eating, no bathroom breaks)
5:15pm: pick up the kids
5:30-8pm: family time (dinner, homework, board games, movies, books, bedtime routines, hockey, soccer, rugby, play dates, laundry, tidy, heart to hearts, etc.)
8-11pm: Netflix and chill. I like to catch up on messages from friends, family, school/sports/camps/kids stuff, arrange our family's social calendar, book doctors appointments: eyes/dentist/orthodontics/etc., order things online (birthday presents, new shoes, pants, shorts, bags, whatever the kids have grown out of, or need urgently for sports/school/social).
Sometimes, if I have a big deadline coming up, I’ll continue to work after the kids go to bed.
4. What did you study in school?
I graduated from McGill University in Montreal, Quebec, Canada with a Bachelor of Commerce, Majoring in Marketing with a concentration in Finance.
5. What was the journey like to get where you are (in life and career-wise)? Was there a time when life knocked you down or out and how did you get back up on your feet?
My parents have always supported me through difficult life decisions (and through it all, to be honest). They have been my biggest cheerleaders throughout my life. My husband has also played this role for me. He has been my rock since the day we met, believing in me from day one. He has always said I can do anything, that I work harder than anyone he knows, that I was always worth more, that I could achieve what others couldn’t, convincing me that there was no glass ceiling. He inspired me to reach higher and ask for more. He convinced me, when I doubted myself (as we all do at times), that if anyone could do it, I could do it. He inspired me to take risks and reach outside my comfort zone. We all need a strong support system to lift us up and remind us that we are worthy and deserving.
My father raised me to be extremely hard working and to constantly push for more. I played a plethora of sports growing up - volleyball, soccer, baseball, you name it - and I played them all competitively. I’ve always had a drive to challenge myself and see how far I can get/go, and this has translated into my work as well. I am grateful that my father taught me how to be dedicated and disciplined enough to achieve something.
My mother has taught me to live life to its fullest. She is always smiling and laughing and saying something positive to me, or about me. I have inherited this “joie de vivre” from her. She always has some compliment ready, to fill my confidence cup. Her endless love and generosity taught me the power of positivity. Because of my mom, I love more, feel comfortable sharing my feelings and showing my emotions. I am empathetic and grateful for all that I have and everything that the people in my life bring to me. She has also taught me how to be a mother. My relationship with my mom strengthened when I began having children, three boys to be precise. My mom loved being a mother so much that she helped me find my “inner mom,” fall in love with the joys of parenthood, and power through the sleepless nights and dirty diapers.
My kids have taught me more than I ever thought possible. For starters, I learned just how incredible women are and what our bodies are capable of. How to love in a completely different way from the love you feel for your partner or parents/family. Because of my kids I know the following:
How to love more, just more. My cup can overflow now and I can share it around with strangers, with my kids, with my friends and family.
How to be strong even when I’m feeling a momentary weakness (for example, when the kids need me and I haven’t slept in over 24 hours).
How to be disciplined (your kids are sick and you’re sick but you just get up and tend to them and then barf when you can).
How to be patient… really patient.
How to be a guide and a coach instead of a boss.
How to adapt. Every child is different in his own way and needs me in different ways. The only constant was that they ALL wanted to sleep in our bed, all snuggled in with us. My husband and I agreed to this before having kids and we’ve always kept our door open. We still have family sleepovers in our room every once in a while, although my husband can’t have the kids next to him when he’s sleeping because they kick him all night. I can withstand the kicks if it means having an extra snuggle time.
I love being a mom. It’s busy and bananas at times but I always wanted this experience; it is a challenge I feel blessed to get to enjoy. Just seeing the world through their eyes is such a gift. I feel like I’m getting to relive my childhood through my children - stopping to literally smell the flowers and feed the chickadees from the palm of my hands. We love watching kites in the sky with shock and awe and enjoy ice cream cones on a hot summer day (of course the ice cream melts down their hands and often falls on the ground with the wrong tilt of their little hands). I love it all, I love being a mom. I am so forever grateful to be given the gift of motherhood (which at first I was worried I wasn’t going to be given).
My step mom (Chris) has taught me how to be empathetic. This has been her gift to me.
And don’t be fooled, I’ve hit lots of bumps along the way - my parents divorced, I suffered from anorexia in middle school/high school, I was sexually assaulted at university, I was physically assaulted, I had trouble getting pregnant, had a miscarriage, lost one of my brothers to addiction, I’ve lost other people that I loved dearly along the way. All of this has allowed me to become the person I am today and I am grateful for who I am and all that I have.
6. Advice for other women?
You are worthy. It is normal to doubt yourself, to fear failure, to think others are better than you. Whether you are male or female. Remind yourself that you are worthy of what it is that you want and/or need.
Dedication and discipline will help you achieve what you want to achieve.
Reach beyond where you are today.
Ask for what you want (after spending some time thinking about what it is you want).
Understand the power of positivity and how you can achieve more in life with a positive mindset and attitude.
The following have played a significant role in my career success to date; I feel like I have to share with the others:
Take initiative! My advice to everyone is to be persistent if you are passionate about something, about anything. Don't give up. Persevere.
Believe in yourself! People will always doubt you. Don’t doubt yourself.
View adversity as an opportunity! Lean in. With adversity comes opportunity.
Have fun! Success is dedicating your life to something you're passionate about. Enjoy your journey. Have fun doing what you're doing every day.
7. Knowing what we know now in a current political climate, can women be "all that we can be" in today's world? What is the way forward, as you see it, for "feminist values"?
I live in a very progressive household with home duties split between my husband and me; something I feel lucky about. This feeling, of being fortunate however, tells me that women have a long way to go. Evenly allocated home duties are still an anomaly. We can’t expect women to do more at home and be all the other things as well - leaders, primary caregivers, etc. We need to take care of ourselves, make ourselves a priority. It is just impossible to be all the things, to all the people, at all times. This is why we are all burning out. We need to be honest, to speak up and remind ourselves that we are worthy and deserving of change. It’s been long enough.
As a woman in leadership, I find it difficult to see so few of us in the top positions; leadership teams containing women on them are rare, let alone a 50/50 split. This tells me that the glass ceiling still exists in one way or another. Maybe no one has put it there, or no one wants it to be there, but it is still there. We all need to work towards breaking it down. I worked for a CEO that was determined to have a 50/50 split leadership team, me being one of them, but he continued to lose all of the women to attrition (one at a time within their first 12-18 months). Why? He wanted women on his leadership team, he found the best of the best, but then he couldn’t keep them. Why? We need CEOs to be skilled in how to manage and lead these diverse teams.
8. Where in the world do you feel “tallest” (i.e. where is your happy place)?
My happy place is with my family. I just adore them, when we are all snuggled up in a heap, before bed reading a book, watching a movie or sitting around the dinner table with one of the kids laying on my lap. The more physical contact the better in my opinion.
9. What extracurricular activities/hobbies are you most proud of? Why?
I’m most proud of my kids, and in turn of us as parents, for raising these little humans. I feel this pride when someone shares a quick comment in passing about how wonderful the boys are, because they defended a child when a bully was picking on them, helped a child with special needs, acted respectfully and well-mannered at a birthday party. These moments have me overflowing with the feeling of pride.
I workout. I love juice cleanses. I love walking along the beach in our neighbourhood. I love date nights with my hubby and girls nights with my friends. But I truly get the most joy out of seeing my kids enjoy and succeed at their activities/hobbies - laughing and running around playing sports or dedicating time to their art. Navigating what they like and why is so fascinating to me. The boys are so different, yet I’m fascinated at how consistent their personalities have remained from the early years, and which paths they are choosing to take. I feel that my children are my most successful accomplishments in life. Watching them become their own people, with their own opinions is just phenomenal; they are changing and challenging me in ways that I could have never predicted.
10. What do you want to be when you grow up? Future goals/challenges?
I want to become a matriarch of my family - orchestrating family gatherings and keeping my family close, laughing together forever and always.
I want to inspire and lead my family and friends, my peers and employees to live their best lives and be their best selves. Always.
As far as my personal career goals, I have my sights set on being a CMO (Chief Marketing Officer). I want to do this for myself, for my family, for my parents, for all women and for my children who are all boys. I want to show my next generation first-hand that women are equals and should be treated as such.
11. What fears are you still hoping to overcome?
I have a fear of failure and a have recently done Cognitive Behavioral Therapy courses (since COVID) to realize that this is not uncommon. I work for a very progressive and incredibly transparent company, oxio (an internet provider in Canada) where I’ve realized that most overachievers and top performers worry about a version of this - a fear of not being good enough or a fear of letting people down. This fear is real, but I no longer feel hesitant to talk about it.
12. Anything you'd do differently, if you had another go at life?
I wouldn’t choose anything else over what I spend my time doing now with my family! If I want to workout, I convince them to workout with me…or I go for a jog while they bike/scooter. Some of our best friends are our kids friends’ parents because we want everyone to be able to have fun together…and we want to have grown up fun, so we’ve merged the two.
Do I have some wishes for improvement? Sure. I wish I didn’t have to EVER clean or do laundry or any of the real grown-up shit, but we all have to.
I wish I didn’t work at jobs in the past that required me to work specific hours and in turn I had to pick up the kids up late from daycare. I wish I could have chosen my own work schedule back then. I’ve always been an extremely hard worker. My husband always says “you work harder than anyone I know”, so if I was getting my work done and was so efficient, why was I late at pick-ups and didn’t have time to go to a barber?
Finally, I wish technology wasn’t always screaming at me: with text messages, social media posts, my four email accounts (don’t ask), Slack, etc. It is just too much. Let’s all choose a channel people and stick with it! I’d choose Facebook, text messages and Slack…but I’m probably just dating myself.
What would I do differently if I could do it all over?
I would be true to myself more, say what I meant, wouldn’t hold back. I wish I did this from the beginning of time. I did it in my youth as a little girl, my mom tells me, but I was robbed of this confidence as I tried to conform in my teens and all the way into my twenties. I feel that I’m still trying to impress someone at times. However, that someone should be me!
I wish I didn’t fear failure, it holds us back so much. In fact, I wish I didn’t fear at all, but I do. It’s natural but frustrating at the same time.
I wish I could have been more decisive in the past. I truly appreciated other people’s opinions, but the hardest was taking them in and still being able to form my own.
I wish I could have been more open about everything and just told people about the things I was going through as I was going through them - rape, assault, abortion, grief - all of it.
I wish I could go deeper into my emotions, my true feelings and thoughts…but because I’ve kept them hidden and ignored them for most of my life, I find it difficult to do this. I am a work in progress.
I would also add that I wish I danced more! Way more. I love to dance (to the music that I want to dance to, of course). I now dance after dinner with friends (and our kids, if they want to). It feels good to move, to be open, feel free and sexy.
Life's most valuable resource is time, and I truly wish I had more of it. I have three incredible children (10, 8, 6), a fabulous and super handsome husband who wants to spend time with me (which I'm so grateful for), I have loving friends from different stages of my life, I have a big extended family and many siblings with beautiful families that I cherish. I have a career, an incredible team, peers and beyond. But there is just not enough time in the world for all the things I want to do. I want to be the best mom, the best Marketing Leader, the best friend, daughter, sister, neighbor, hostess, you name it. There just isn't enough time in the world to do it all. But I still try, and try to have fun while I’m at it. Every day I push and challenge myself to do more, deliver more, and maximize every moment of each day.
13. What/who inspires you?
My children, my husband, my peers and my friends and family.
My husband has given me the best gift of all, my children. I am so grateful for how humbling it is to be a parent. The endurance and physical burden of pregnancy, the pain of childbirth (three deliveries with no drugs) but I loved it all.
I am grateful for my endurance. I literally delivered my own child the third time around. The doctor asked if I wanted to do it and I jumped at the opportunity, the challenge. I've always loved and am up for a new challenge. Delivering my third child was totally bananas! But of course, I did it. It was very Lion King-esque, lifting him up for all to see in the room.
Our boys are all unique and incredible, each one is his own individual. They are passionate, empathetic, determined, funny and loving. I am so grateful for them, and I thank my husband (but mostly me for building them) for these gifts. All three boys, well four including my husband, want to be snuggled to sleep EVERY night. Two of the three want to hold my hand on the way to school every day (which is convenient, I guess, because I only have two hands....but I still wish my 10-year-old reached for my hand). I truly want it all.
I’m inspired by my coworkers and employees. I want the company I work for to appreciate me for who I am, to respect my opinions and embrace my passion and positive attitude, to love all that I bring and be grateful for the results I deliver....which are usually pretty epic (no lie!). I'm a very positive person, and I don't want this to change about me, or for any person or company to try and change this about me.
14. What are you hopeful about?
The future generations.
15. What are some ingredients to a good life? Has the global pandemic changed your perspective about the world, about your life, your goals and dreams?
The pandemic was completely bananas. I can’t believe we endured the lockdowns, to be honest. We had our three children at home with us; did I mention they were 3, 6 & 8?
My husband and I were juggling our full-time jobs, transitioning to home schooling and working from home. Of course, were all dealing with the fear of the global pandemic infiltrating our country, our community and affecting our loved ones. I can’t believe we made it out of that intact.
It makes me smile when I hear our kids talk about those times. For example, our eight-year-old, Jake, who was six at the time, recently said “I loved COVID. Well not COVID, but home school. I wish we could do that all the time!”
16. What are (at least) three qualities you most love about yourself and why? What are your superpowers?
I’m positive. I always think of my glass as half full. I tend to see the bright side of circumstances, to envision the potential and the opportunity on the horizon. My positive attitude and energetic nature, paired with my empathy and gratefulness for all that I have, and have had in my life, along with my determination to do as much as possible, as quickly and efficiently as possible. All this has allowed me to reach amazing career heights while allowing me to balance my very colourful home life in Toronto, a rental property in Kingston, my marriage, our friends, and my three beautiful boys.
Grateful for all I have/achieved. I am (or try my best to be) grateful for all that I have each and every day.
I’m disciplined. If I want to accomplish something I will make a plan to accomplish it which takes discipline, and some aspiration to know what you want to accomplish.
I’m loving. I love to share my love with others.
I’m driven and persevering through difficulties.
Finally (in case you haven’t yet realised), I’m passionate. My inner passion for my work and my family helped me achieve happiness in life. I love seeing others have fun and laugh, dance and enjoy good food, wine or a delicious cup of coffee. This makes me happy and fills my happiness cup. Nothing would bring me more joy than for everyone I love and work with to be happy.
In turn, I try to help others fulfill their personal and career goals, and try to do what I can to help the people in my life achieve their personal success.
17. What advice would you give your 14-year-old self?
Learn how to say "no" and put yourself first (or close to first). You are worthy.
18. What are you reading now? (what books do you gift most and what are your favourite reads?)
I’m reading and enjoying “How Women Rise,” a book by Marshall Goldsmith and Sally Helgesen.
19. Who is a WOW WOMAN in your world who inspires you and why? Can you nominate three (or more) women you know who perfectly fit WOW WOMAN description? What would you tell them, if you had an opportunity, about why you admire them?
Adele Tevlin.
Tara Lemieux (my old boss x2)
My Mom is a WOW Woman for all the reasons mentioned in question #5. She sees me. She thinks I’m worthy.
My late granny Dorothy Wingate is a WOW Woman. She was a matriarch who endured through incredible loss and such life struggles, that I can’t even imagine. Yet she always looked great, was happy and full of life for her family. She would die for her family. Granny Wingate showed me how much love you could receive from having a strong bond with your family, how rewarding it can be. She was good at creating traditions and always filled her home with unconditional love. I strive for the same.
A close group of girlfriends from McGill University days, whom I still see frequently, are all WOW Women. They are Trish Cernes-Banner, Dixie Ho, Kathryn Fullerton and Sarah Steel. They are WOW Women for being strong women in leadership roles, for understanding what it’s like to balance a demanding career, kids and a social life. They have been there for me through thick and thin and helped me through many struggles.
Alexandra Abraham, for showing me how to be opinionated and share my opinions without guilt or fear. She is a WOW Woman for accepting me, wanting me to be my true self, celebrating me for who I am and what I have accomplished, cheering me on and loving me for me. She sees me. She thinks I’m worthy.
20. Where can others find you/your work (links to websites, blogs, etc.)?
career: LinkedIn
contact: julielacey001@gmail.com
Bonus Quick Round Qs:
1. What and who is worth suffering for? My children. My husband. My family. My life. My passions.
2. Who is/are your mentor/s (men or women)? My mom and my dad (and Oprah Winfrey).
3. If you didn't have to work anymore what would you do with your days? I would spend as much time as possible with my kids and my husband. I would travel to visit my family. I would volunteer for non-profits that I felt aligned with (such as SickKids and the Pinball Clemons Foundation). I would spend more time connecting with people, just all people.
4. What bothers you most about other people? Pessimism in others as well as negative people who bring others down. I recommend this TED Talk, The happy secret to better work by Shawn Achor. I’ve shared it with too many people to count.
5. What do you love most about other people? I love people in all their flaws and glories. I love people who seem to be enjoying their lives, people who are grateful for all that life has given them. I love laughter; just the sound of people laughing makes me smile. Laughter is my medicine.